…because i’m feeling rather nostalgic these days…

when i drafted [parts of] this post several days ago, i was feeling incredibly busy [still am], BUT also thrilled and happy and honestly, pretty much like a rockstar.  everything had gone so much more smoothly than i had anticipated – with the job thing, but with other things going on in my life as well – and i was feeling like i could conquer the world.  believe it or not, i even have a date for valentine’s day this year [!!!!!].  sound the trumpets, i think it might be the first time in like seven years… [notice how i throw the “like” in there so it sounds more nonchalant, like i’m exaggerating or something. but NOPE. that’s actually accurate. it has been seven years since i’ve had a valentine’s day date. SEVEN.]  anyway, i was feeling prettttttttty darn good.

but – there’s always a “but” – then monday happened.  it’s crazy how those feelings of everything being so effortless and smooth can change at the drop of a hat.  and yesterday was a bit like that as well – just so much going on, feeling like i can’t keep up, trying to balance a heavy course load plus a job transition, saying goodbye is hard, my to-do list is a mile long and i want to check things off but don’t have anyyyyy time for anything [nor the energy at 10:30 pm when i get home from class], sick of my condo being messy but no time to clean it, ihatewednesdays, still need a dress for valentine’s day, wishing i had a couple days in between leaving my current job and starting my new one, wishing i had more time in the day, wishing i had more time for sleeping, wishing i had more time to do and not just wish.

but we get through these things, don’t we?  and everything always seems easier in the morning.  so this morning i woke up feeling a lot better about it all, and now i’m feeling grrrrrrrrrr8. :)  i went to dinner tonight with my friend alex, who i’ve met in the past year, her friend liz, who i just met tonight, and my sorority sister and one of my best friends from college, katlyn [and roommate for 3+ years] who just got engaged last weekend [to a guy who she started dating the first month of freshman year of college – pretty much the same time that i met her!].  and the whole time i’m thinking, this is too cool.  old friends, new friends, and new new friends!  life is good.  and all the stress feels so far away, when just yesterday at this time, i was overwhelmed almost to tears, worried about how i was going to get everything done that i needed to.  but that’s how life goes.  the best part is that i had written some thoughts down last week that i never got around to posting, and reading them today made me smile.  i need to remember to go back and look at them whenever i’m feeling stressed or just negative, because it puts it all in perspective.  so here are those thoughts, from oh, maybe last tuesday or wednesday:

lately, i’ve felt that there is so much pleasure in life and so much to look forward to.  these things that make my life what it is today are so special, so precious.  the fight with my alarm clock, but then the colors of the sunrise through my window, rewarding my early waking.  the routines of my day – getting ready for work, the car ride to the office where i flip between my seven favorite radio stations to find the best tunes… and if i don’t find anything good, i turn it off and just sing the song i want to hear a cappella.  starting my day at the office, my laptop, my cup of tea, my “standing desk,” my red stool with the chipped paint, my gummy vitamins.  the way i allow myself one espresso each day.  i look forward to stepping away from my desk to make the espresso – it’s a short and pleasurable way to break up the day.  waiting for the machine to heat up, watching the shot of espresso dribble into my cup, that yummy coffee smell wafting through the room, steaming the milk until it almost bubbles up over the side, making friendly small talk with all my co-workers who come into the break room while i’m making it.  and then the way i sip on the foamy top until it cools a little, and i get to the rich, slightly bitter espresso cut with milk, the steam and coffee aroma filling my nostrils.  

and the other moments of the day: the cereal and peanut butter sandwiches that i eat way too often because they’re quick and easy, funny texts with my brother and my parents, and the random photos of luckydog on my phone that make me smile.  coming home from work feeling fired up or frustrated or overwhelmed or on top of things, or dreading my evening run in the cold when i get home from work but sucking it up and forcing myself to do it anyway.  often it’s rushing home from work to head to culinary school, where i’ll sit for three to six hours at a time listening to a lecture, sometimes bored to tears or dreaming about the nice weather outside that i could be running in or feeling just plain exhausted.  dreaming and planning, being with a group of people i love, and being by myself in the home i’ve built for myself.  trying new restaurants, new foods, new drinks, and having really good conversations with people – old friends, new friends, acquaintances, coworkers, people i’ve just met.  being around my parents… what fun, good people they are.  and their love and commitment are such great examples for my brother and me.  the joy i feel when i walk in my neighborhood, even when i’m just heading to the grocery store for bananas and bread.  turning my bed into my office on a cold winter’s day, falling asleep next to a crackling fire, the loud, inebriated pedestrians walking by and waking me up in the middle of the night.  in the morning, waking in my cozy bed, and doing it all over again.

it’s not always glamorous.  it’s definitely not perfect.  but my life won’t always look this way or feel this way – in fact, it’s changing before my very eyes.  and i’m lucky to be living it.  there’s so much beauty in all of these imperfections of life, and i just want to remember this time, this season, forever.  can i?  i sure hope so.  i’m content, i’m happy, and it’s a beautiful life.

anddddddddddd i think i’ll end this post on that note.  here’s to everything and everyone that makes life so crazy and so wonderful.  xoxo