i haven’t felt much like blogging this week in the short windows of time that i’ve been able to, even though i feel like my “to-post” list gets longer and longer every day.  i have an exam tomorrow morning for culinary school, my wine class.  the first [and only] test that we’ve taken in that class so far was really hard, so i wanted to make certain that i got in some thorough studying and feel prepared for test #2.  but.  as usual, i’ve procrastinated.  so no, my lack of blogging this week was not caused by me being a good student and reviewing grapes and wines and appellations, even though it should have been.  nor catching up on sleep, which would have been a reasonable alternative.   and it definitely wasn’t due to me catching up on housework, cleaning, laundry.  nope, my silence is attributed to some blog-reading and pinterest-pinning marathons [eh, more like half marathons, given that i have a job], along with fitting in a movie that i’ve been dying to see.  sometimes, you just have to  r e s t  your  b r a i n,  you know?

as a consequence, i’ve spent this afternoon and evening cramming for the test, trying to soak up as much wine geography, viticulture, and oenology as i can before 10 am tomorrow. not exactly a glamorous way to spend a friday night, but – as i like to say – hello, real life.  that’s what i get for waiting til the last minute.

i have, however, accomplished enough studying so far to take a break and put together a quick post of ramblings.  hmm, this week.  my week hasn’t been bad, per se, but it has kind of fluctuated from good to blah and back again, for no particular reason.  part of this is probably because i’m slightly sleep deprived – just enough to make life seem a bit more burdensome, but not enough to incline me to make a special effort to go to bed early.  this morning, as i was leaving for work, i felt ho-hum and a just little cranky, which had a little to do with having to wake up extra early for an offsite company meeting and a lot to do with where my thoughts landed this morning [and not the first time this week], namely on my messy apartment and some relationships that i’ve been struggling with internally and the lack of testosterone in my life.  glass half-empty stuff.

and then, because i was actually ahead of schedule for the day, i stopped at starbucks on the way to work and used a gift card that had been stashed in my wallet for a while to buy myself a nice, foamy caffe latte that felt like such a special treat, since i usually brew my own coffee or tea at home and work.  and something about that latte and ambient temperature outside and the quietness of the morning, when there are less cars and less people and an understood gentleness of the early hours, lifted my spirits.  and i thought back to the last few company meetings that i’d attended and remembered being anxious about arriving on time, and then looking around, bleary-eyed, when i got to the meeting at all of my co-workers clutching starbucks cups, wondering how in the world they had time to pick up coffee on the way.  and i smiled, thinking back to that.  i’d grown up.

and i’d like to say that after that i was in a dandy mood the rest of the day, but although i loved the meeting and was happy as a clam throughout the workday, i sort of fell back in my funk when i got off work.  it’s depressing to have to study on a friday night, but besides that, there are just some days where life feels so blah.  ever have days like that?  every now and then, it all just feels ehh.

i’m not going to go into a whole “let’s take a positive spin on this experience and talk about what we’ve learned” type of ending to this post, because i’m tired and need to finish studying, but the point is that we all have days like this and life goes on.  these are the times when i find it especially beneficial to be able pull out some daydreams from a corner of my mind about the little dreamworld that i live in.  planning future trips and home decor ideas and my future kids’ names.  things like that.  sounds completely crazy, i know, but it works for me.  i love that dreamworld.  and my real one too.  most of the time.

happy friday, guys.  xoxo